nya writes

Closing her eyelids  she for once felt at peace  The darkness for once didn't scare her  Rather it brought her to an abyss  No one but her thoughts to hear  The loudness she didn't miss.  Rainbows and unicorns,  They are nothing but hallucinations. For her, happiness was strange, but closing her eyelids  She for once felt at peace.  She let it consume her She let it fume her and that was the barter. She gets one moment of silence,  one moment of peace,  one moment of herself,  one moment of truce,  one moment of not being nagged at, one moment of pruce.  it did death confuse  Why would she do it?  Why would she loose it?  They didn't hurt her? She was never abused?  Then what made her bruise? In the land of clouds  I asked her What was the need?  Why this pleed?  What made you take this step?  Why couldn't you ask for help?  And she told me,  She told me her story,  how she did try,  while during this, she made satan cry  she poured the pain she couldn't bear "

Im not mine, Im somebody else's, somebody else is making my choices; How I dress, How I eat, How I walk, How I breathe, How I talk, How I stand, What I do, Where I stand,  Its not me whose making those choices, its someone else, Though sometimes I get liberty, But I end up doing stupidity, Why is it like this? Why am I who I am? Why is being you such a jam? I don't love it, being a muppet, I wish I could stop being their puppet.                                                                                                                                                                  ~nya 

I think I've failed,  as a daughter, as a human, as a sister, as a friend, lately i've been so dry,  i want to but i can't even cry, and its like my tears have sailed, away; away from me, away from my misery, away from this treachery, away from my life, away from this darkness, away from my  like; its a beautiful world, beautiful day, beautiful night, beautiful light, it is everything,  but not a beautiful life, i always feel like i'm walking on a knife, a knife reducing my time, all i wish to know is what is my crime? I flinch on nothings, I loose my appetite, I feel like drowning, My face is always frowning! Stop your stupid game, game; game of life, game of health, game of mind, game of wealth, game of socials, game of sky, you only think i'm fine, dear world, thanks for being a disappointment, thanks for cutting my wings, thanks for being my cue to leave, thanks for making me cry, thanks for making me lie, thanks for loving me, and  thanks for burning me.       

Should I shut up? No really Do I need to stop? Just tell me Do I need to put everything behind  just to make it up to your wish or can i really talk without them calling me a bitch Every time do I need to look behind, I am walking on a road or can i really just move along without the fear of getting groped. Do I need to stop? No really maybe I should shut up according to the patriarchy  Don't lemme think, don't lemme talk,  don't lemme eat, don't lemme walk maybe I don't deserve all this  maybe I should stop maybe I could shut up or maybe I could not.                                                                                                                                                                 ~nya

Who would I be? If not someone's wish  someone's hope someone's life or  someone's cope Am I living for myself? or just to fulfill their wishes? Their dreams,  Their aspirations, Their feelings, Their job, Their crisis, Their stops, Their prices, what about me? Will I ever be able to break free? Live for me  on my own. I seem to be a failure  But I haven't even started yet fill my destiny, leave everything behind, I want to start a new life. One where I would be free, I would walk on the sand, I would walk on dirt, Whatever I would do it would be my decision. I wouldn't have to look at them, for everything I need I would have sleepless nights, buffet life, I could be at peace, I could be at war, I could cry my heart out, I could smile, I could fly, I could give everything a try, I would be so happy, I would be so sad, Atleast I would be everything I didn't had.